Christmas, My Way

After marrying Doug, he bought me the most beautiful tree I had ever owned. It had multi-colored fiber optic lights and was an amazing Show on a Tree. It was expensive, too, around $250, but it was definitely worth the price. I loved sitting in the living room with a steamy cup of french roast, staring at this spectacular tree my husband was so proud to surprise me with.

As the years went by, the tree gained as much sentiment as it had razzle-dazzle. Now a decade with Doug, each Christmas brings out a meaningful trip down Memory Lane since I have made it a habit to buy ornaments on just about every vacation we've taken together, both over the holidays, and any other times. But it also has ornaments from family, friends, and previous students, as well as quirky decorations that remind me of funny, special, or unusual events (like the flying squirrel I won in a sweepstakes last Christmas). Whatever each represents, all touch my heart--or my funny bone-- in some unique way.

The fiber optic wonder that was The Tree eventually stopped working. For a couple years, we dressed it up with clearance sale twinkly lights, but it was so big and such a back-breaker for my poor husband that we finally settled on a smaller, less dazzling, tree this year.

One December, I put myself through this self-inflicted guilt-trip: my tree was too ordinary, I decided. The ornaments didn't match, and well, shouldn't they all compliment each other? I would stroll passed these decorative marvels in various department stores and think: I should put my creativity to good use and create a themed-tree, too, like "everybody else"? Decorate it with delicate lace bows, for starters. Then flock it--make it look snowy like an east coast White Christmas (even though I live in a snowless part of the west coast). I'll get high-end shimmering lights and glitzy gold bulbs-- dress her up real fancy-like. Yessiree, won't she be the Belle of the Ball?

Driving past other homes, Themed Trees taunted me as they preened through immense windows. I was embarrassed by my ordinary tree with the Rite Aid twinkly lights standing in for the broken fiber optics, and the sentimental hodge-podge of ornaments hung from the branches in no particular order.

But that rash of "ought to's" and "shoulds" quietly passed. I stopped comparing myself to others. My tree is decorated to suit me and my husband--it's a Kessler Family Tree. And even though the Artist in me loves all those designer-trees I see each year--I really do!--my tree isn't meant to be showy (like the tree in my classroom--now there's an entirely different blog entry :-))).

This year, we finally replaced our first tree (with the broken fiber optics) with a smaller, more manageable one for Doug to haul out of the storage closet each holiday season. It has white lights that don't twinkle, and it's full of ornaments that don't artistically compliment one another. But this simple little tree fills me bubbly up to the brim with feelings of gratitude and joy because each ornament has meaning, or a silly story behind it that I love chuckling at, once again, as I unwrap it from it's crinkled tissue. No, they don't "match", and only a few were costly, but this tree makes me happy.

I love our tree because I love the life it represents. And I still enjoy sitting with a steamy cup of joe staring at it. This is Kristmas the Kessler Way, even if on the cheap, and I like it just fine.

Merry Christmas!